By Dr. Neals J. Chitan
Working within the crime ridden inner cities of North America for the past twenty years, and more recently, the similarly at-risk communities of the Caribbean, I frequently respond to mothers experiencing the deadly painful sting of gang violence, which forever snatches their teenage and young adult sons away.
I have stood in the pressing huddles of overcrowded churches experiencing the communal grief as caskets containing the bullet-riddled bodies of young men are wheeled in and out. I have seen the incapacitating surge of grief that knocks a mother to the floor as she yells the name of her boy, hoping that somehow, magically, her motherly voice possesses resurrecting power, that will wake him up from the casket.
To this unchronological dilemma, I have heard many an officiating clergy remarked, that a new trend has emerged where the natural order is being reversed, and parents are burying their children instead of children burying their aged parents. However, it becomes even more insanely ridiculous and troubling when instead of burying their youngsters, parents are now burying their babies!
There seems to be a strange and warped normalcy emerging that is sucking away the lives of our babies, and the instant gratification and quick fix factors of 21st century postmodernism are fuelling the epidemy of juvenile suicide, in their search for coping strategies. Over the past few years, this gruesome suicide monster of finality has been invading the hearts and minds of our babies offering them only one escape option from hurt, trauma and pain, while leaving parents writhing in anguish, regret, self-blame and unending grief.
The Minnesota STAR TRIBUNE on January 18, 2015 reported the story, of a black six-year-old princess, Kendrea Johnson who was found hanging by her jump rope from her bunk bed in a foster home on December 27th, 2014, with two suicide notes that read, “I am sorry for what I do” and “I’m sorry.” From further investigation, it seems that she was blamed and punished for going into her foster parent’s room without permission, because another note was found which said, “I am sorry for going into your room”.
On December 12, 2017, NEWS 4 NEW YORK ran another disturbing suicide story of eight-year-old Imani McCray, another very beautiful black girl who was sent on time-out in her room and decided to hang herself one week before her birthday, or become a copycat of another bullied ten-year-old girl Ashawntey Davis of Colorado, whose suicide story she had seen days before on Facebook.
Exactly one year later, December 12, 2018, THE WASHINGTON POST published the sad story of another beautiful nine-year-old black grade four female, McKenzie Adams, whose body was discovered by her grandma, hanging in her room at her Alabama home on December 03, 2018. The cause of this tragedy was cited as racial bullying by classmates who also continuously taunted her to kill herself. Unfortunately for her, she succumbed to the taunts and diabolic suggestions and committed the inevitable.
Then we have the most recent of them all, posted by FOX NEWS less than 24 hours ago, January 23, 2019!! The suicide story of ten-year-old Seven Bridges a handsome black Kentucky boy who had been going through difficult health challenges and wore a colostomy bag on his side. The story told of a short life made difficult with over 26 surgeries, leaky colostomy bag and ongoing teasing and bullying from his classmates.
Despite his parents’ resolve to fight for him, even going to the school aggressively to defend him, he still felt the painful sting of evil “friends” and could not survive it. Feeling hopeless and defeated, he decided to bring it all to an end on Saturday, January 19, 2019 by hanging himself in a closet, while is mother was out grocery shopping.
And so, if these stories do not heighten the serious and crucial need for building resolve in our children, and as parents, guardians, teachers, coaches and mentors we do not aggressively begin a target-focused mind-strengthening process for our children, they are doomed!!
As we deconstruct these suicidal stories, we can see two major influencing factors in the decision to commit such a final act. Despite the gut-wrenching pain we feel from these tragedies, we need to get up and do the necessary evaluations and analyses so we can put in place a diversion plan to derail this social virus that is barrelling down on us like a freight train.
In the five cases cited, three were influenced by the acute pain of bullying, while two dealt with the issue of punishment, giving us at least two urgent target points of begin with. There is absolutely no doubt that bullying with its four tentacles has globally inflicted citizens of planet earth despite the quadrant you live in. Language, race, culture and religion are not deterring factors when it comes to the meanness, mischief and disrespect of the evil heart.
Therefore, with bullying at a crisis level, the clarion call for a systematic and systemic approach goes out throughout the land, an approach that will not only build up the victim but rehabilitate the bully if we hope to stop burying our babies.
I am excited to announce that at MOTIV-8 FOR CHANGE INTERNATIONAL, we have a powerful copyrighted approach that is captioned “BULLIES & THEIR VICTIMS ARE HOMEGROWN.” These sessions are designed to take an in-depth look at:
- The social dysfunctional structures that create and feed the bullying syndrome
- The social dysfunctional structures that create and feed the victim mentality
- Dismantling the power of the bully
- Empowering the resolve of the victim
- “SAVE YOUR BREATH!!” I am fine with me!!
- Handling the unfairness of life
- Moving beyond the Hurt
Currently, we are delivering some of these sessions within the 27 primary schools throughout the Federation of St. Kitts-Nevis in the Caribbean, and it is heart-rending to hear the stories of unrelenting bullying and teasing told to us by sobbing students.
In one school, a grade six boy who was sitting in the front row through the session “SAVE YOUR BREATH!! I am fine with me!!” was constantly pointing to his heart while his head sank in his hand as I described my pain of being bullied in primary school and how I dealt with it. After the session, this young man, came up to me and hugged me in a very tight son-to-father embrace while repetitiously crying in pain, “Doctor Chitan, I love you, thanks for coming, thanks for coming.” I was so thankful to God that I was in the right place at the right time, as he told me that he was thinking about suicide because of the pain he felt from the nasty teasing of two boys from his class, but that he is now empowered and ready to confront them.
Since they were also in the session, I told him to hold on in confronting them so we can see if the session had any impact on them as bullies. I am excited to report that it has stopped and not only has the victim felt happier and more empowered, but his grades have improved also.
By the way, we had similar experiences in Jamaica and Grenada in 2018, where grade school students confessed to planning to take their lives to end the emotional pain of bullying and teasing once and for all.
It is my hope that parents, teachers, coaches and mentors will put together a methodic plan to BUILD our children emotionally and mentally so that they can stand amidst the bullying hurricane that’s hitting our society or be prepared to BURY them if we don’t!!
If you need help to strategically BUILD them up, don’t hesitate to call us at the contact info listed above.